


Some Things

by SwanFloatieKnight



Category: Arthurian Mythology, Parzival - Wolfram von Eschenbach
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coping, Emotional Hurt, Interior monologue, Late at Night, Loneliness, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Sad, life goes on - Freeform, train of thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:21:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24615979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwanFloatieKnight/pseuds/SwanFloatieKnight
Summary: Maybe some things just are not meant to be.
Relationships: Parzivâl/Gâwân
Comments: 8
Kudos: 8





	Some Things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FervidAsAFlame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FervidAsAFlame/gifts).



> you know why I wrote this. And you are the best friend I could wish for. Thank you for being you and for being there for me <3

A/N: I posted this fic on Ao3, and on Ao3 alone. If you read this on any other website or platform, please consider that I did not consent to this.

* * *

Sometimes Gâwân still lies awake at night. He lies awake and he wishes to go back. Nothing more, and nothing less. Then the darkness feels huge and lonely and the rain falling outside his window, falling on Karidol, falling on King Arthur’s castle sounds like falling tears. Because despite everything, there are things that he misses.

Yet he knows that there is nothing he can do about it. It did not work out between them, even though it could have. It would have. If the conditions had been different. If Parzivâl had not been meant to become the Grail King in Munsalvæsche. He wishes he wouldn’t. He wishes they could have lived in Karidol together.

But maybe…

Maybe some things just are not meant to be.

Maybe, if Parzivâl hadn’t run off to Condwîrâmûrs, if he hadn’t had his destiny, his uncle and the Grail, hanging above his head. If Gâwân hadn’t been stuck in Karidol. If he didn’t have his own destiny to fulfil as one of Arthur’s knights.

Some things are not meant to be.

Apparently, they had not been meant to be.

And there is nothing he can do about it. Nothing than to move on. No use in dwelling on the past. Life just happens. It happens and there is nothing you can do about it. And then it goes on and you have to try and catch up on it if you don’t want to get lost, but there is no guarantee that you will manage to catch up, and even if you do there is no guarantee that you won’t get lost anyways either.

Sometimes Gâwân still feels lost. Wonders if there will ever be someone like Parzivâl again in his life. Then he shakes his head and tries not to think about this for too long. Because whatever might be, some things have happened and won’t return. Parzivâl is one of these things. Because you cannot turn back time. And even if he could… would it turn out differently another time? Gâwân doubts it.

He would still be the best knight of Arthur’s court. Also he is married to Orgelûse now. His uncle needs him. His wife needs him. Just as Parzivâl is needed in Munsalvæsche. He carries the burden of a whole kingdom on his shoulders now. He has a wife to care for, just like himself. He has sons. He lives his life apart from Gâwân. And as much as this hurts, Gâwân also knows that it was the only way.

That doesn’t mean that he does not miss him though. Oh, how much he misses him on some nights. Nights like these with raindrops falling like tears and the darkness a lonely blanket over him and the whole castle. He knows it was the only reasonable thing, to end their relationship when they had reached a certain point. They had been drifting apart, torn into different directions by life and maybe by other things too. After a while you reach a point where it gets hard to get back together close enough to make things work again.

Sometimes he considers going back. He really does. Taking his horse, riding to Munsalvæsche, asking Parzivâl if they could try again. But he knows that it would be a bad idea. That things would end just like they did the last time. Conditions haven’t changed after all. They still live their old lives. There are too many things left unspoken between them, and some things that he just can’t go back to. Even though he sometimes wishes he could.

It doesn’t change anything. He knows he will never do that. He can’t, and he shouldn’t. He won’t. Life goes on, as it always does, and Gâwân has to keep running if he doesn’t want to get lost. Maybe he already is, but that doesn’t stop him from running for now. He will keep running, even if it is just to keep his head clear and his thoughts off of Parzivâl. To not give into temptation. What if he became a Grail Knight? If he went to Munsalvæsche? Would they work out then?

He will never know.

Most of the times he doesn’t even want to know.

But then there are lonely, rainy nights like this. Nights in which Gâwân lies awake and can’t help but think of Parzivâl and what they had, and more so what they could have had, and it makes him incredibly sad. He stares out of the window and listens to the trees rustling and the rain falling out there in the darkness and wonders if Parzivâl sometimes thinks the same. If maybe right now he is awake out there, staring into a different night, listening to different trees and a different rain or maybe no rain at all, while Condwîrâmûrs is sleeping in their bed. Maybe he too wonders what they could have had.

He usually falls asleep over these thoughts, his dreams filled by blackness and the sound of rain. A warm and refreshing rain that fills the cool damp air with a smell of grass and hope and new beginnings. Beginnings that do not include Parzivâl. For better or worse.

Some things are not meant to be.


End file.
